Airlines admit their cockpits are full of weird shit

by United Stripes
19th October 2014
Airplane autopilot

Airlines have urged passengers not to pry into what happens inside the cockpit once the door is closed.

As it emerged a Flybe pilot landed his plane after his false arm came loose, the airlines said that cockpits are ‘magical places beyond the reach of international law’.

A source at a major British carrier said: “We have one pilot who refuses to fly without his pet chickens.

“Most of the chickens just hop around inside the cockpit, treading on important buttons and switching the engines on and off.

“But there’s one chicken that spends the entire flight with its face pressed up against the windscreen.”

Another source said: “We’ve got a flight crew that puts on full scuba gear and then pumps the cockpit full of shaving foam.

“And another one of our pilots waits until he is at cruising altitude and then sets up a charcoal barbecue. He says the cabin pressure gives the marinade a bit more ‘oomph’.”

The source added: “You’re right to be worried. The ‘automatic pilot’ is more of a marketing thing rather than an actual thing.”

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